10.6 - informal discussion with Beida students about dating, relationships, and sex

One of the girls from the Stanford side explained that she typically dates less Asian guys because across the board they seem to be less socially confident. That cuts deep, because it's true to those standards and says a lot about the cultural and social values that have been pressures all my life. The outgoing personality in this case means a loose personality, catering to finite fun and a whole lifestyle of entertainment. I've never been able to compete with that, and when I seriously tried to my freshman year, it disconnected me from the things I really care about.



The next time someone asks if my mother tried to raise us traditionally or as Americans, I will say that she kept me as Chinese as she could, and the rest has been up to me to get back to my roots.

Some of our group went out swing dancing at a western club tonight. I've seen plenty of white leaders and Chinese girls looking for the dance, but I haven't seen a Chinese man dancing in Beijing yet. I don't know about them, but I know why I'm not dancing with strangers.



I'm looking for celebrations that come in their own right and not from fear of the lonely night. I'm looking for music that stops people, and stories that warrant longer attention. I'm looking to belong, to myself for once.



swing dance

while I go

Home.



一定要记得你是在中国, 因为你是中国人。这是你的心里。